Robin Hood Paisa

He stood at the edge of the road high on a mountain, leaning on his car, the engine still running, his arms folded. In the distance was the outline of the mountains that surrounded the city of Medellin. At the foot of the mountain lay the city. His home. If it was in ruins, it sure didn't appear that way this night. Millions of lights flickering in the dark made it surreal and impossible to not fall in love with. For once, he must've felt peaceful. In the midst of this goose chase, the endless hiding, the never ending fear of the safety of the family, this was like a warm bath after a tough day. It was pleasantly quiet without all the shots being fired. He must've felt normal when his life was anything but.

Pablo Emilio Escobar Gaviria. The richest drug lord in the world even 23 years after his death. A net worth of 25 Billion USD in the 1980s (Equivalent to about $77 Billion USD in 2016). What do you do with that sort of money? You dig holes in your backyard and hide them because you cannot go to banks for obvious reasons. You build an empire that's nothing like anything. You build an army of soldiers who wouldn't second guess before taking a bullet for you. You become the biggest supplier of cocaine in the world. You inflict fear in those who don’t comply. You build your own f***ing prison (La Catedral) when the government asks you to surrender and operate your cartel from within. You burn, yes burn, $2 million when your daughter starts to shiver in cold because the wood has too much dew to catch fire!

To facilitate his rise to power as one of the most wanted, most notorious smuggler/criminal the world would ever see, Escobar, quite literally left no stone un-turned. You have to agree to one thing though. A man doesn't just become the kingpin of the biggest cartel by inflicting fear. Fear though useful, is not all powerful. It will make people do things for you, but, it won't necessarily make them eternally loyal to you. Pablo Escobar had a loyal army of sicarios, of associates, a blind-faith following of common folk. No! I refuse to believe it was fear alone. It's must be the faith he mete out. You become the hand that keeps them afloat when they've been deserted in the sea. You show them the light. Convince them that you're not just their only chance at survival, but you can make things better and you'll have their eyes, ears, legs and hands metaphorically served on a platter. They made him theirs and he made them his. His people. He built houses, hospitals, schools in Columbia (which earned him the title of Robin Hood Paisa), which might have been a false front to a backdrop of the power hunger that lead to his rise and eventually his fall. He was an opportunist, a strategist, all that is required to be a successful businessman. Only that his business involved getting people addicted to a life shortening powder and it seems only natural that it involved murdering some unsubstantial creatures to make a point regardless of how substantial or how inconsequential it might be. There was a time, and I'm not kidding, when Pablo Escobar was inches of becoming a part of the Colombian senate. The man had dreams and he had his ways to fulfill them.

It's one thing when people treat you like god. They do it because you held their hand in times of need. But when you start believing you are God is where things start to turn ugly. Modesty and Arrogance. Modesty could've made Pablo great, if not in the truest meaning of the word. Arrogance had him murdered alone and penniless and indeed shoe-less when he was in hiding. Pablo Escobar became the definition of terror in Columbia. He killed thousands or had thousands killed, blasted busy streets without remorse, bombed an airplane in an attempt to kill the president, killed nobles and most importantly, innocent people whom he probably thought he owned. When people thought they owed him, Pablo thought they could pay back with their life and that wouldn't have felt like such a big deal as long as the handful of people that did matter to him lived a life of luxury.

Talking about luxury, the man lived a life that couldn't resonate with Columbia's economic state one bit. His holiday estate included not just a pool, but, a personal zoo. A zoo housing hippos, elephants and giraffes that were imported. How often do you come across an exotic personal zoo, eh?

To gain some perspective on the wealth of the Medellin cartel, here's a fun fact: $2500 was spent every month only on rubber bands to stack the cash they earned from smuggling cocaine into the United States.

What did he leave behind?

Short answer: A police department, Drug Enforcement Authority, the governments of Columbia and the United States in peace.

Long answer: A grieving family without a penny to spare and no country willing to give asylum. Imagine you have a life like no other that you cherish and suddenly, you have a life like no other that you repent. There was a family with no fault of their own who had to live in these extremities just because the head of the family had an ego proportional to his fortune. A seven year old boy and a two year old girl who had to live like criminals when their father was being chased by Colombian and American authorities all around the country. He might have loved his family, I'm not denying that. But, his love for his pride and reputation was far beyond anything mortal. Why else would you end other families in cold blood? He left a name that has cursed his family and the city of Medellin for decades and his stature will ensure that doesn’t fade anytime soon. He scarred the country he loved, his country, his home with deeds that are unspeakable, yet known to a lot. The name Pablo Escobar will haunt the beautiful country of Columbia and the city of Medellin in particular.

If he really loved his home, his family so much, why did he take it to an extent that left everything he touched in a disarray. Arrogance of considering himself above everything?

#India'sDaughter

I have no criminal record. I have never felt this excruciating desire to smother somebody so hard that he doesn't see light again. Never before have I felt my self clenching my fists while browsing through YouTube. If you ask people who know me, I bet nobody would tell you that I have a violent streak and yet, somehow, the documentary about Jyoti Singh's (I think we should stop calling her Nirbhaya.. The shame-ship has long sailed!) rape and murder case instigated those emotions within. And I'm sure I share the feeling with every human being who has seen the documentary and has an organ commonly referred to as "The Heart". For people who haven't watched it, here's what you'll find in the video if you manage to watch it before our "conservative" government decides to ban it:
 
 
1) The Shameless convicts
 
Mukesh, one of the primary accused in the case had more screen-time than anyone else. But, someone forgot to tell him that this was not something to be proud about. The first sentence that comes out of his good-for-nothing mouth is that, "She was more responsible for the rape than us". This, to me is an ideal example of how so-called "men" are being raised in this blessed country with a rich heritage of traditions and customs. Traditions that dictates what women should wear and what time of the day to come back home at and customs that tell them that they'll get raped if they don't follow those traditions. So, they're essentially taught that you will get raped if you take a step here or there. Its as if some Mukesh was listening to this conversation and giving a vicious smile. I have an eye on you and your boundaries.. I dare you to step out.

Throughout the documentary this guy literally vomits the mentality that has plagued our country for centuries. Excerpts like:

"We taught her a lesson that it was not appropriate to roam around with a guy late at night"
"There are bigger crimes in the country and people don't get hanged for that"
"Hanging us will make things worse, rapists who used to leave the victim after rapping them will now kill the victim because of the fear of being penalized for rape if the victim goes to the Police"

blah, blah, blah!

I commend the reporter who recorded all this and still left that ignorant son of a bitch with all his teeth still in their respective places. The 59 minute video doesn't have even a single second that shows regret on his I-want-to-punch-it-so-hard face.


2) Our highly educated lawyers

...And we thought lawyers were well educated. A perfect example again, of the fact, that books alone don't make you a good human being. Mr. M.L. Sharma, a well educated lawyer (I hope) is full of metaphors of girls being flowers and diamonds and this and that... which is why, they should be kept hidden. Basically, he tried to sugarcoat the fact that he doesn't want women to have any rights except deciding how much grocery is required in the kitchen. Then there was Mr. AP Singh, another highly educated lawyer (I hope, again!) representing the small-brained fraternity of secular India who went to the extent of saying that if his own daughter went with "male friends" at that hour of the night, he had the courage to pour petrol on her and burn her alive. Mr AP Singh, sir, I believe someone tricked you into learning the definition for idiocracy for courage. I don't blame your law books for that, but, you need to get that sorted.


3) Our Opinioned Politicians

I believe enough has been said about them and we're well aware of how low or how shallow their brains can be. Enlightened opinions like:

"Eating fastfood brings hormonal changes and triggers rape"
"Girls wear short clothes and are also responsible for getting raped"
"Boys will be boys and boys make mistakes. This doesn't mean we hang them"

blah, blah, blah............. I'm just thankful to god to have blessed us with "Common Sense" or otherwise I'm not sure how far we could come with such so-called leaders.


I'm not sure why the government decided to ban it, but, if we can see our leaders washing their dirty linen in public all the time, I think we can live with this documentary for sure.

Its a shame that we have to share the limited oxygen with people like Mukesh and other convicts and the lawyers and all the likes for that matter. A humble request to the Supreme Court`to have them hung or if they can't do it, give anyone the right to kill them and that I'm sure you'll find volunteers for that.


Here's the documentary below: I hope it doesn't get removed.






 

Scientifically Spiritual

So I recently read "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown and apart from the fact that it was a disappointing piece, one thing did get my brains tingling. There's this good looking female scientist named Kathrine Solomon who specializes in the field of Noetic Sciences.

Not going into the depth of Noetic studies and what it promises to prove, I was happy with knowing what the gist of it is. So, Noetic Sciences, as also elaborated comprehensively by Dan Brown in the novel, is a science that essentially substantiates the mysteries of spirituality or our spiritual beliefs, by means of scientific reasoning. The basis is to explore the 'untapped' potential of the human mind.

We've always heard that we make use of a minuscule part of our brain in our lives. If we were to efficiently use our mind to its optimum potential, every person on the face of this earth will be capable of performing miracles. The only thing that separated us, the common-folk, from geniuses like Albert Einstein, etc, is the fact that they were able to dig into their brains a lot deeper than us, but, even they couldn't realize the true potential of the human mind.

The way I like to look at it is this: The novel talks about Katherine talking in depth about considering human thoughts to be a real thing. A matter. A substance. Consider thoughts to have real mass and that they do occupy space. Positive thoughts having higher mass and thus higher momentum and the negative thoughts having lesser mass and thus, lower momentum. When somebody is in a positive frame of mind, he/she is filled with positive thoughts (which I like to believe is called the "Positive Vibe"). The momentum of his/her thoughts is so substantial that it tends to overcome the other negative energies around. The force that is exerted is such immense that it has the capability of transforming matter around, similar to the bending of a spoon when concentrated really hard upon.

Now, the fundamental law of mass says that mass is neither created nor destroyed, but, can only be transformed from one form to another, which in this context can be conceptualized as transforming negative thoughts or energies into positive energies. That to me explains the concept of "Spreading Smiles". Its the most elemental chain reaction that exists.

Picture this : one positive thought overcoming one negative thought (Higher mass overpowers lesser mass), now making it two positive thoughts, two make it four, four make it eight and so on. The growth of positivity becomes exponential. Now, try and apply this within yourself. One happy thought within you can gradually replicate exponentially, removing all the negativity inside and fill you up with such positive radiance that things around you start transforming in your favor the way you thought they should be.

This ideology, might seem absurd to some, but it gave me justifications as to why the rich keep getting richer and poor keep getting poorer. Why good things keep happening to people who are already enjoying their lives and the people who are already dejected, keep slumping in their miseries. Why miracles happen to people who never lose their hopes and maintain their faiths. Why people tell you to "have faith" when you're unhappy. Because faith gives your mind strength to produce positive thoughts and hence, positive energies within you.

I've seen people with care-a-damn attitudes get more that they were capable of. It was probably their positive vibes that turned things towards them. They got what I think I deserved. But I now realize I was so grim that I actually prevented good things from happening to me. Darkness will only end when you make a move towards the light. Not when you sit in the dark waiting for a glimpse of light.

It might not make sense to a lot of people, but, I found my reason to keep my hopes up and that's what matters in the end. Everyone's faith and expectations are relative to their circumstances. But, its only faith in a belief that gives us strength to fill our minds with things good enough to enjoy the life that has been bestowed upon us.

"The darkest hour of the night comes just before dawn"

- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Castle of Cards

Sleepless night! Thought I'd make a castle of cards today. Took out the pack of cards from the drawer in my cupboard, opened the pack and spilled the deck on the table in the living room. I glanced at the door of my parents' room - just wanted to make sure they were asleep. I wanted to do this alone - no sound, no interruptions. I'd make a big one today, with the base of 7 going all the way up to 1 where I'll hoist an imaginary victory flag!

I cleared the table. The castle couldn't be made with any wind from any direction, so I got up to ensure that the windows were tightly shut. It was a moderate spring night so the fan wasn't required to be switched on, but, me being the lazy ass that I am, decided I couldn't get up in the middle of my labor on the castle to switch on the fan, so I settled by switching on a fan that was a little further away from the acres of land that I cleared for the castle. For obvious reasons, I couldn't switch on the fan directly above my castle.

With everything in place, I began. I pulled the spill-over of the deck with my right palm to the right side of the table towards me. Oddly, I searched for the queen in deck and kept her aside. The queen will reign. She deserved the highest honor and would sit pretty at the top of the castle. I pulled two cards at random from the deck and arranged them in a triangular shape with their tips touching and bases wide apart. As soon as I placed it on the table, I realized if I was planning to go big, I better arrange the stack in a way that used 4 cards to make one triangular shape, two on either edge. Figuring the current deck might not suffice, I fetched another deck from the small rack on the left hand corner of the living room. I opened the second deck and threw the cards carefully over the older ones and then it began.

Now I took four cards at a time and started building triangular structures one after the other. The first tier was not a big deal to complete. I lay a sheet of two cards one stacked above the other between the tips of successive triangles. This was to be the base for the second tier. I delved into arranging the cards carefully to an extent where my mind started wandering but my hands knew the job at hand. As I kept picking up cards, instances from my life started flashing at the back of my mind. What if I'd been a touch more careful in building a stronger base, such as for this castle, for my educational well-being, could I have been in a better place? I was half-way through to the second tier - three triangles done, three more to go. But I'm not at the worst place, am I? Five triangles done and I picked up another four cards, took two in each hand and went for the last triangle to get done with the second tier. I bent forward and stacked the cards in exactly the way I had done with the others. Second tier completed!

I went ahead to lay the base on top of the second tier for the third one. What was going wrong? Most of the people around me seemed to have a better life than me. Was it something that I was doing wrong? What was it that they seemed to have figured out, but the answer was not so obvious to me? I began with the third tier. It was getting tricky now. I had be extra cautious with every card I placed, the pressure I put while placing the cards and even my breath. I placed the first triangle very carefully and ever so slowly withdrew my hand. 

I decide to take another step of precaution and switch off the only fan in the room. Stood up slowly and switched it off. I stood near the switch board and looked at my half-built castle. Still half-way through, but it looked good. If people lived in it now, they wouldn't be very comfortable, but, they should realize it was just half-done! They'd love it when it would complete. Maybe I was pushing myself too much too early. After all, it was a start of my life as well. Yes I wasn't born with a silver spoon, but so what? Maybe I'll have to slog for what other people get served on a silver platter. That being said, I'd be able to appreciate and savor my small victories. Happiness was indeed relative!

I came back, sat on my throne and resumed. Ever so carefully and ever so gently, I placed the next two triangles. Two more and this tier would be done. Residents of the castle would feel better then. When I picked up the next set of four cards, I noticed my hand started quivering a little. Steadying it, I placed the next triangle. I thought the end of my left wrist touched the triangle on the left and it moved slightly. The heartbeat rose a little but then fortunately, no damage was done. I could get through it. No doubt times were tough and they might get worse, but, I'll get through it and in the end, I'll have story to boast about. Slowly but surely, with all the patience that I could muster in the middle of the night, I completed the third tier!

To enjoy this small success, I went to the kitchen and poured myself half a glass of juice. After gulping the glass in two sips, I came back and laid the base for the next tier. Starting the fourth tier, and starting to feel a little dizzy now, I wished I could keep it this way for the night and resume the next day, but, I had to finish what I started. The first two triangles of the fourth tier had to be put so carefully that after I finished arranging the second one, my heart was thumping and I had to make a strong effort to prevent my hand from shaking, but, I dint want to stop. I couldn't stop. How could I? I had to finish it! I felt responsible. Feeling the eyelids go a little heavier, I started with the third triangle. The next two were worse. The fear of failure after coming this far kept my complacency in check. I couldn't afford to lose patience now. So close yet so far!

As the fourth finished, I leaned back on the sofa, my arms folded, I started feeling if all this effort worth it? I could have slept peacefully and snored my way to glory. But then I saw the queen of hearts lying on one side. Well, if nothing else, I had to do it for the queen. I found my motivation. Isn't that what I really needed to get over my phobia for life? A motivation at every instant that kept pushing me? I figured if I wasn't getting a motivation, maybe I was looking for it in the wrong place. It'll be a good thing to ponder over after I finish what was in front of me. I savored the 4-tier castle for a minute with arms crossed around the chest and then picked up the cards to lay the base on top of it. As I stretched my right hand, I felt a drop of sweat trailing down from the back of my head, crawling down behind my right ear. Right arm still stretched on top of the castle, I tilted my head to wipe that drop of sweat against my shoulder and in that moment of leniency, my right arm did just a little more than what I would've wanted it to. The tips of the fingers facing down at the top of the castle pressed just hard enough on top to bring my castle crashing down!

For a brief instant, I felt a chill and despair, my heart was in my mouth, my hands still on top of the ruins of the castle and strange enough, that anxiety vaporized as fast as it came. I found myself smiling - a wry smile. I felt my mind getting a little lighter than what it was before I began. Well, I did get a lot of answers. I had come across a possible course I could take. In the midst of this charade that we've been calling life, I had found good 30-35 minutes to reflect upon myself. I'll eventually get there and I'll have the queen where she belongs but maybe today was just not the day. The stage for finally set for a nice sleep. It might not be particularly snore-y but I know I'll wake up with a clearer head.


Prateek Taneja

The Facebook-Whatsapp Syndrome

Remember the time when we used to reach out for our phone in the pocket, recall a friends' number from memory, exercise our fingers to dial that number and talk our hearts out. We heard the voice of our laughter and we judged the mood of the person on the other side by their tone. It has never been said by a celebrity or proven by a scientist/research, but hearing yourself laugh or cry does make you feel good. Remember you had a smile after the call? You can argue about it all you want, but the digital age has taken a part of that smile, that elation of hearing a friend and verbally sharing your thoughts, from us.

We are presently living in what has come to be known as the Social Networking Era. Mark Zuckerberg - that rascal hit the right nerve when the time was ripe! He has arguably revolutionized the way people interact or even get to know each other. Hell, I've seen people meeting and getting to know each other on Facebook and eventually getting married. Whatsapp, to me, is a touch more conservative. Both of them have their pros and cons - more pros than cons. The elder generation in my family have their facebook and whatsapp accounts setup (Off the record - its a CON for us :P). They feel it has brought them closer to us and right they are. But, they can handle the storm. Its us, the younger bunch that has been swept off its feet and now we have the feet tied to the ceiling, our heads dangling, but, strange enough, we still have out smart phones in our hands and our fingers working overtime.

Think about it. You say LOL, LMAO and ROFL. How many times have you actually had the faintest of smiles while you say it?? Answer - Not a lot of times!! Why? Because its a CHAT. Who laughs while chatting?? How stupid would it look if you were literally L(ing)OL while looking at your smart phone? Not a very smart user with a pretty smart phone, eh? The thing that I find most annoying is the pouring of emotions on status updates, and that holds true for both Facebook and Whatsapp. I see people updating that they are sad about blah blah blah (what's the big deal, you say?). The bad part follows next. Then you see 10 people like it! WTF? 10 people like that you're sad. In real world, you would've felt worse, but, not here. You tend to feel good you got 10 likes on your post. That to me is some serious emotional instability! 

I could never actually get a grip of the concept of telling the 500 people that you're sad and receiving 40 likes over it (that's for girls, guys won't even get 4! #truestory) when you could have called one good friend, talk to him/her about it and feel better. Instead, we choose to let the world know we're in misery and receive comments like "Aww", "Don't worry", "<some random inspirational quote>", etc., as if that'll make you feel better.

I'm not all against social media. I think its fantastic as a common platform for a lot of things. I like to stay in touch with my family and friends, see where they recently traveled, feel sorry for them when I see them getting married, look at random trolls and videos, etc. I'm not a news or a football person, but I know what's going on from facebook and whatsapp - which is great. But like everything else, its important to maintain a steady head on your shoulders in context to this as well. There's a difference in enjoying something and getting carried away by it. Make it a hobby and not a habit. The world doesn't need to know what misfortunes you've gone through. Trust me, it doesn't make you look a hero, it makes you look desperate for attention.

Staying in one another's friend's list is not the way to stay in touch. Go ahead, call the people you like before you or the other person gets too busy in his/her life. Hear yourself laugh on the stupid jokes instead of LOLing around. Guess the tone and start a different conversation. Expanding your world through social media is great, but it doesn't imply you don't have any other means of communication. The traditional way of digging in your pocket for your phone and exercising your vocal chords instead of your fingers will keep a friend close. Go ahead, you've being chatting for a long time now, give your friends a call!

Quoting Barney Stinson (+me),

When you're sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead! And while you're at it, don't update your status!

PS. I'm not a twitter fan, so I figured I better not include it.

Incompetence v/s Hard-Luck

"Its a well known fact that over 85% of the people between the age of 17-28 become philosophical after 11 PM."

Well, its not really a fact, I just tried a Barney Stinson there! But its true though. How many times has it happened? You're awake late, and you start thinking. One thought leads to another and by the time you actually feel sleepy you either have a killer Facebook/Whatsapp status for the next day or you have an idea for a flop novel or you may end up convincing yourself of some bad happening you might have had to go through. After all, it sure is the THOUGHT that counts. You sure can't COUNT those thoughts.

This blog, like many others (I'm sure) is a result of the 11PM+ thoughts and my perceptions of things. I'll start by confessing that I don't exactly have a dream job which is what my debut blog is inspired from. I believe there is a very thin line between acknowledging yourself as incompetent and believing it's just hard-luck that's keeping you from what you've been chasing.

We all work hard, don't we? To our own relative capacity and to our relative knowledge, yes, we do. But do we? I've heard people crib about their hard-luck endlessly and make no mistake I'm one of them (Yeah, I hear myself!!). Is it always hard-luck that made you lose out on a job or an exam or a deal or anything important for that matter? Can it be minutely possible that we're not competent enough? Well, maybe yes or maybe no. Then who draws the line? Simple! It's YOU. Not just because you know how to use a ruler and a pencil but one particularly essential thing to explore yourself is to not lie to yourself and exploring yourself will tell you whether it really was hard-luck or maybe you didn't deserve it after all.

There are certain personalities of people that are coming to mind in the context of this writing. The highly competitive set are usually too hard on themselves. When they don't reach the bar that they set for themselves, they think they didn't try hard enough instead of acknowledging that "it just wasn't their day". They don't pity themselves for their hard-luck (when is actually could've been just hard-luck!!) and find themselves with just two options, either work harder next time or be so upset with yourselves that you never set foot again, thinking that they're just incompetent for this genre . Extremists! The "have it or break it" kinds. They either keep their hopes really high which allows them to go for the kill or too low so as to keep them in the shell for an indefinite time.

On the other hand, there is another set that relies on "it just wasn't their day" too often. These people can blame just about anything on their "so-called" hard-luck, even improper bowel movements (Yes! Its gross). Really sensitive about their actions and with a high sense of insecurity about their moves, they tend to get disheartened very quickly. The attitude becomes negative and while they convince their minds that they're going to kill it, in their heart, they always doubt themselves and end up cursing their "so-called" hard-luck for not crossing the line when the fact is that probably it was their DOUBT on themselves that didn't convince them that they were good enough in the first place.

Do you really think people exist in those sets? Agree to that or not, you might agree to what I say now. The two sets that I talked about above, are just two sides of a single person. Two faces of a single coin. Think about it! there are days when we wake up with such positive energy that we feel nothing's gonna go wrong. Even if something does, we go ahead and rectify it. No Big Deal! Small pebbles don't change your path, do they? Well that sort of mind set is not a problem, its a blessing. The problem is when you're not in that positive frame. That's when the small pebbles start looking like huge chunks of rocks that never seem to get off your path. That is when you start (or at least I started) questioning yourself, whether its just hard-luck, just not your day or you feel if you're incompetent for the job or you might recall the sounds in your head, "not meant for it".

You know what the best thing about questioning yourself is? Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. Lying to the world is not the worst part of the art of lying, lying to YOURSELF is. Your conscience will always tell you what's right for you. Its your take to respect it or shun it, obviously taking into consideration the relative personality of different people - not all people make similar choices. Similarly, your conscience will always answer you when you question yourself if it was your incompetence or your hard-luck. Its OK to blame it on your luck and its also OK to feel incompetent, but, the more important thing is what comes after that dismal feeling. The decision that you take to counter/confer that feeling - the rebound. While a person who's in a relative stronger frame of mind will choose to take it in its stride and work harder next time, a person in a fragile state might succumb to the pressure. The trick, I've come to figure out, is to not get carried away with your initial reaction in a crisis. Initially, you might feel that you're incompetent or out of luck but you have to understand that that reaction was an outburst of spontaneous emotions. If it was something small that you couldn't have/complete, dude, stop cribbing and blaming your ability or cursing your luck before you come to a conclusion. Hell! get off your ass and try again! Keep trying till you feel you won't question yourself in future saying "did I give it a fair shot?" If you get there, bless me! if you don't, well you won't say you didn't try hard enough. If it was something big, take a break before pestering yourself because if it was really that big you would've put yourself under the hammer and your brain and body deserve a rest before the soul-search (for the Incompetent v/s Hard-luck) begins. If you didn't work hard enough, you have no reason to take a break and you need to get off your ass again and start over.

Maintain a balance is all that I mean to say. Maybe its just hard-luck that prevented it from happening or maybe its just not your cup of tea. Whatever it may be, don't decide too early! Give it a thought, because its the THOUGHT that counts ;)

Whatever the outcome may be, its not the end of the world. Its NEVER the end of the world!

Quite a moral science lecture. One last thing, before you start the self-introspection session, watch "SUITS" if you still haven't! Hell of a series!

Ciao till next time!